The Hidden Weight of Leadership: Why Women Burnout And How to Protect Your Energy

The leadership burnout conversation is missing something big.

Most high-achieving women I work with aren’t burning out because they can’t handle the tasks. Women burnout often happens because they’re carrying the emotional weight of everyone else in the room.

And here’s the thing: the system is so used to you holding it, they don’t even see it. Queue the gaslighting.

What Emotional Labor Looks Like in Leadership

You’ve probably been here:

• It’s tracking the emotional temperature in real time, and adjusting yourself to keep things “smooth.”

• Scanning the room before you've even sat down at the table. Noticing who's tense. Who hasn't said a word yet. Who's about to derail the agenda.

• It’s the extra “How are you really?” at the end of a meeting.

• The mental note to check in on the person who went quiet.

• It’s keeping your own reactions in check so no one feels uncomfortable, even if that means swallowing your frustration, grief, ideas.

• It’s absorbing tension so others can stay productive.

It’s the invisible work of managing other people’s emotions while pretending yours don’t exist.

Why It’s Causing Women to Burnout

Because the workplace isn’t designed for women, we normalize this role.

You’ve mastered the art of reading the room before a word is spoken. You smooth over tension before it turns into conflict. You translate other people’s stress into action plans the team can digest.

You tell yourself, I’m just good with people, when in reality, you're the emotional shock absorbers.

But if you’re honest, it’s more than skill, it’s survival. Over time, you’ve become the everyone leans on when the pressure is high.

It’s not in your job description. You’re not paid extra for it. And yet it’s become part of your identity at work.

Here’s the truth:

“Your nervous system isn’t broken, it’s exhausted.”

That exhaustion isn’t a personal flaw. It’s the cost of a system that assumes you’ll hold the unspoken weight indefinitely, and never rewards you because others don't even see it.

The Nervous System Impact

Carrying emotional labor keeps your body in a constant state of alert.

Even if you don’t notice it, your nervous system is scanning for cues all day, who’s upset, who’s checked out, what might go wrong next. It’s like having a browser with 27 tabs open in the background. The page you’re on works fine, but everything runs slower.

When your system never gets the signal that it’s safe, it stays braced. Muscles tight. Breath shallow. Brain on standby for the next shift in tone, glance, or email subject line.

Over time, that looks like:

• Brain fog in moments that require sharp thinking, because your energy is going to constant monitoring.

• Irritability with your team or family, even when nothing “big” has happened.

• Exhaustion that sleep doesn’t fix, a tired that lives in your bones, not just your calendar.

• Disconnection from joy, hobbies, friendships, and moments that once refueled you now feel like another demand.

This isn’t because you’re “not resilient enough.” It’s because your nervous system hasn’t had a chance to truly rest. And the longer you hold the weight, the harder it becomes to remember what rest even feels like.

Small Shifts That Protect Your Energy

You can’t change the whole system overnight, but you can start changing the way your body and mind carry the load. These shifts are small, simple, and powerful when practiced over time.

1. Notice your breath.

Throughout the day, check in: Am I holding my breath?

When the body braces for impact, whether it’s a tense meeting, a difficult email, or a moment of silence, the breath is often the first thing to go. Each time you notice, soften your shoulders, unclench your jaw, and let out a slow exhale. This tells your nervous system, We’re safe right now.

2. Ask yourself, “What are my needs?”

Not once a week. Not just when you’re on vacation. Multiple times a day.

It might be water. A bathroom break. A pause before you respond. When your body answers, see if you can meet that need, even in a small way. Every time you do, you’re teaching yourself that your needs matter, and that you can trust yourself to meet them.

3. Create a “curtain moment” to leave work at work.

If you commute, pick a landmark, a specific tree, a turn in the road, a stoplight. If you work from home, choose a doorway or hallway. As you pass through it, picture an invisible curtain sweeping all the emotional load off you and leaving it behind. Don’t actually close your eyes if you’re driving, but let your mind’s eye do the work. This ritual helps your body recognize: That chapter is done for today.

4. Hold boundaries like they’re part of the job, because they are.

Boundaries aren’t withdrawal; they’re protection. Decide when you’re available, what kinds of conversations you’ll have in certain settings, and what you’re not willing to carry. And when someone pushes past one, remember: enforcing a boundary isn’t being unkind. It’s being clear.

If you’ve been reading this and feeling your shoulders tighten, your jaw clench, or your breath go shallow, that’s your body telling you it’s been carrying too much for too long.

You don’t have to keep holding it all.

The first step is noticing where your energy is leaking so you can start reclaiming it.

That’s exactly what my Burnout Quiz will help you do. In just a few minutes, you’ll see which patterns are draining you most, and get a next-step plan to protect your energy and make space for yourself again.

You’ve been holding space for everyone else. This is your moment to hold space for you.

Take the Quiz