Women in Leadership: Why You Don't have to Lead Like a Man

Let’s talk about something most women in leadership have felt but rarely say out loud.

That quiet pressure to lead more like “them.”

More direct. Less emotional. More dominant. Less collaborative. More stoic. Less vulnerable.

No one pulls you aside and says, “You should act more like a man.” It’s never that obvious.

But you feel it.

In the raised eyebrows when you speak with emotion.

In the way confidence is only applauded when it shows up as assertiveness, not introspection.

In how your thoughtfulness is read as uncertainty, or your empathy mistaken as softness.

And underneath it all? That constant push to prove yourself while somehow staying likable along the way.

It’s not just frustrating. It’s exhausting.

The Unseen Cost of Trying to Fit In

I hear this all the time from women I work with. That sense of always being “on.”

Performing a version of leadership that doesn’t quite fit but seems to be the only one that gets taken seriously.

So, you adjust.

You soften your tone.

You downplay your intuition.

You hold back on setting boundaries because you’re worried about how it will land.

And eventually, a question creeps in:

“Maybe I’m just not cut out for leadership?”

But what if the issue isn’t you?

What if it’s the leadership mold you’ve been handed?

A mold that was never made with you in mind.

The Double Bind for Women in Leadership

There’s a name for this pressure you’ve been feeling. It’s called the double bind, a catch-22 that many women in leadership walk into without even realizing it.

You’re expected to be confident, but not too confident.

Assertive, but not aggressive.

Warm, but not too emotional.

Decisive, but not bossy.

Clear, but not blunt.

It’s a constant balancing act, and the rules seem to change depending on the room you’re in.

If you lead with empathy, you risk being seen as soft.

If you lead with strength, you risk being seen as harsh.

If you speak up, you’re opinionated.

If you don’t, you lack leadership presence.

The double bind is exhausting because it teaches you to question your instincts. It tells you to monitor how you show up instead of focusing on what you’re here to do.

And after a while, you start to wonder if it’s even possible to get it “right.”

But what if the problem isn’t how you’re showing up?

What if the problem is the impossible standard?

What Real Leadership Looks Like

You don’t need to sharpen your edges to be taken seriously. You don’t need to silence your instincts to be seen as capable.

You can be grounded and visionary. Strategic and sensitive. Bold and thoughtful.

You can lead with heart and clarity.

Because empathy, collaboration, and intuition aren’t fringe qualities. They’re deeply effective. They’re the reason teams trust you. They’re why people feel safe opening up, taking risks, and doing their best work.

These qualities are not liabilities.

They’re leadership.

But they only work when you stop questioning them.

When you stop editing yourself to fit someone else’s standard and start leading from your own truth, something shifts.

Your presence becomes undeniable.

The Respect You’re Looking For Starts With You

So many of us were taught to earn respect by proving, performing, pushing.

But real respect, the kind that lasts, starts within.

When you stand in your voice instead of shrinking it.

When you trust your instincts instead of overriding them.

When you own your worth without waiting for permission.

It doesn’t mean bias disappears. But your response to it becomes more rooted and intentional.

Because you’re not trying to play a part anymore. You’re leading from who you really are.

You’re Not the Only One

If you’ve ever felt like leadership wasn’t built for someone like you, you’re not alone.

There’s nothing wrong with how you lead.

There’s something wrong with how leadership has been narrowly defined.

You don’t have to perform. You don’t have to bend yourself into someone else’s version of what a leader looks like.

You don’t have to lead like a man to be respected.

You just have to lead like you.